


To See You Alive

by kagetsuki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Internalized Homophobia, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mild Language, Minor Violence, Slow Burn, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, mostly in 1st chap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24334297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagetsuki/pseuds/kagetsuki
Summary: When you stepped into the lightI saw it running down your thighsAnd thought, what a beautiful sightTo see you alive---in other words, tsukishima is an asshole and both him and kageyama are bad at emotions
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 19
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my first fic so criticism is appreciated! this is gonna be a kagetsuki fic because all i know is rarepairs and also its my username  
> idk what pacing or formatting is :o)  
> this is unbeta'd ;-*
> 
> title and summary from the song 'To See You Alive' by Flatsound

“Hey.”  
  
_Just ignore him. You’re ten minutes away from the first free night you’ve had in a while. Just keep walking._  
  
Tsukishima feels a hand burning into his shoulder as the voice repeats itself again, albeit more impatiently.  
  
“Tsukishima.”  
  


_Damn it._

  
Tsukishima stops walking, one foot literally out of the door. He was _so close._ He turns around with an exasperated look, shrugging the king’s hand off of his shoulder.  
  
“What could you possibly need from me, your highness?” Kei asks. Kageyama bristles, not managing to look something other than angry for once.

  
“You need to help me put away the net.”  
  
Taking in a deep breath, Tsukishima crosses his arms. “I think you’re perfectly capable of doing that on your own.” Giving a quick superficial smile, Tsukishima turns to leave again. It’s better to keep his interactions with the king at a minimum.   
  
“You’re going to help. Coach Ukai said-” Tsukishima cuts Kageyama off with a wave of his hand, turning around yet again. At this rate he was going to get dizzy. “I know it’s our turn to lock up,” He lowers his hand back to his side, huffing.

“I think that you can handle it alone,” Tsukishima starts. “You may have gotten away with ordering people around in middle school, _king_ ,” he wrings out the nickname, smiling to himself a little. “But in high school? People - people like me - are going to be less tolerable of your superiority complex.” 

Kageyama grunts. “I don’t want to clean up the gym with you either.” He thinks for a moment, flustered by Tsukishima’s unnerving attentiveness. “At least I’m trying not to be a full-on asshole,” Kageyama finally continues, glaring daggers through Tsukishima’s glasses. “Let’s just get this over with.” Tsukishima meets his gaze with just as much intensity, a thick silence settling between them.

A few long moments pass before Tsukishima breaks the tension, backing up and putting his palms up in a sort of surrender. “Fine, fine,” he says, smile still sitting loosely on his face. “I suppose a commoner like me can’t help but surrender to the king’s will. So be it.” He drops his bag on a bench near the entrance of the gym, moving to collect the volleyballs scattered around the court.  
  


Before he can even touch the first ball, he’s violently tugged upwards. Surprised for a moment, Tsukishima scans Kageyama’s face before chuckling. Kageyama didn’t seem to like that. “Threatening me again? I’m getting déjà vu.” He doesn’t seem to like what he has to say, either. Tough crowd.

  


Tsukishima’s grin melts into an annoyed frown as he wraps his hand around Kageyama’s wrist tightly. “I wasn’t afraid of you last time, and I’m not planning on being afraid this time. So why don’t we just start picking up the gym like you wanted? Unless you still plan to terrorize me like a little courtside tyra-” Tsukishima is cut off with a fist to his face and a sudden searing pain. He stumbles back, nearly losing his balance.  
“What the hell is your problem!?” he yells, barely hearing himself over his adrenaline and the incessant ringing in his head. Kageyama looks completely furious. Shit. Better safe than sorry. Tsukishima swings back with all the force he can channel, hitting Kageyama in the gut.  
  
Kageyama doubles over and lets out a groan that almost makes Tsukishima’s stomach hurt. Again, better safe than sorry. The moment Tsukishima even thought about landing another punch, Kageyama yelled like a maniac, and socks him square in the jaw. Dazed, Tsukishima practically spins around. He doesn’t even notice how he lost his footing, or how the bench with his bag is getting closer to his face.  
  
Thunk.  
  
In that moment, Tsukishima feels like he’s submerged in thick, dark water. He hears a faraway yell, and manages to open his eyes for a moment. He sees a blurry underside of (what he assumes to be) Kageyama’s face. He lets out a pathetic groan before being pulled underwater again. 

  


\---

_…z…_

_  
…bzz…_

_  
…Bzzt..._

_  
Bzzt._

_Bzzt._

_Bzzt._  
  


His phone.  
  
Tsukishima sits up, and immediately regrets it. His head spins, and as he wakes up more and more, he’s unfortunately more and more aware of how damn cold it is. He moves to rub and warm up his arms, but realizes he’s not wearing his clothes. He’s in a hospital gown. He tries to look around the all-white room, but is met with an aching pain behind his eyes and in his skull. He squeezes his eyelids shut, opting to ignore the phone call; it would have to wait.  
  
Or so he thought, before he was bombarded with even more calls. Eventually, he gives in. He looks around and nabs his phone off of the small tray near his bed. It’s Mom.

“Hello?”  
  
“Kei! Oh my goodness, you’ve had me worrying all night! I tried calling you earlier, but I suppose you were sleeping, so I tried again and again and-“  
  
“Mom.”  
  
“- you just wouldn’t pick up and I thought about going back to hospital to sit with you all night, but I needed to help Akiteru load his things into the car so- “  
  
“ _Mom.”  
  
_“Ah, sorry, dear. What do you need?”  
  
Tsukishima wasn’t really sure how to answer that. He fumbled with his fingers in his free hand, thinking.  
  
“Kei?”

“Sorry. Uh, how did I get here? To the hospital, I mean.”  
  
“Oh, Akiteru and I drove you up there-“ _Makes sense._ “-after your friend ran you over to the house.”  
  


Tsukishima furrowed his brow. “Yamaguchi?” He didn’t remember seeing much of him at all yesterday. He could hear his mother chuckle on the other end of the line.  
  
“No, sweetie. That boy from the volleyball club. Kageyama, I’m pretty sure.”  
  
No way.  
  
There is no way that Kageyama Tobio, after beating his ass, went to his house to get him to a hospital. No way at all. He cleared his throat, but it sounded more like a sputter.  
  
“I see.” He really didn’t.  
  
There is no explanation for how Kageyama Tobio, annoying-meathead-volleyball-freak-extraordinaire would even have the cranial capacity to feel enough empathy to help _Tsukishima_ of all people.  
  
Realizing that his mother has been talking while he was in his own head, he just dumbly mutters “yeah” to whatever she asked. She showers him with sickening amounts of worry and care before hanging up, and Tsukishima feels like he can breathe again. He reclines back into the bed, closing his eyes and trying to sleep despite the cold. Eventually, his efforts are successful, and he's awarded with another heavy, black sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tsuki goes home and gets a visit

Tsukishima wakes up later and is walked out to the car by his mom and Akiteru. He insists he’s fine, he can walk, but no matter what he says it doesn’t quell his mother’s worry. He’s silent for the ride home, and stays silent throughout his mom ushering him to his bed. Despite his angsty brooding, his mom fills him in on everything that happened at the hospital.  
  
Apparently, the doctors had tested his vision and whatnot. He doesn’t remember that. Nor does he remember telling the doctors that he ‘felt fuzzy’ before passing out. He definitely doesn’t remember the bruises around his eyes, or the gauze pad between his eyebrows soaking up his blood. He’s definitely concussed, and badly at that. Frustrated, Tsukishima pulls out his phone before wincing at the light that attacks his brain. He puts the phone down.

He sighs, opting to relax and look around his room. A few weak streams of light pour through the blinds, making stripes on the floor. It’s really all he can see aside from his feet under the covers without straining his neck to look around. He goes to rub his eyes before tensing a little. They’re more bruised than he thought. He can’t do anything.  
  
He’s too uncoordinated and dizzy to stand, his head is throbbing, and he has a harpy of a mother who insists that he should be in his sensory deprivation chamber of a room for at least three days. Great. Draping an arm over his eyes (gently) he just lets his mind go. It’s the only thing he can do, honestly.

Of course, the first thing that pops into his mind is Kageyama. Jesus fucking Christ. Even his brain can’t give him a break. Thinking about the fight, Tsukishima surmises that him retaliating was only fair, right? Kageyama must have expected him to swing back; after Tsukishima hit him, they were even. But no, the king had to go and… and…  
  
Tsukishima doesn’t really remember. All he knows is that all of this is the setter’s fault… right? Tsukishima squeezed his eyes tighter as if he could squeeze the doubt out of his head.  
  
It was Kageyama’s fault. …No question.  
  
Tsukishima spends the rest of the day in his bed thinking, every now and then having small meals and glasses of water delivered to his room. He can hear his phone going off with texts, but doesn’t have the energy to answer. He just sips his soup and thumbs at the edge of the gauze on his forehead. He really will have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on, not to mention volleyball practice. Yamaguchi can help him with both, he supposes.

\---

Tsukishima supposed correctly.

The third day of his little ‘vacation’ he’s well enough to get up every now and then, and his bruises are greener than they are purple. The cut on his head has now swollen into an ugly bump, but he still keeps the gauze on it so he doesn’t have to look at it, if anything. He’s sitting on the living room couch when Yamaguchi texts him and lets him know he’s coming over to drop off the homework he needs from the past few days.

About fifteen minutes later, Tsukishima answers the door.  
  
“This has to be a joke,” he says to the boy at his doorstep, Kageyama Tobio himself. Kageyama looks unsettled by the blonde’s condition, and opens his mouth to talk before Tsukishima slams the door. Kageyama knocks again. Tsukishima opens the door again, impatient.  
  
“I have your stuff,” Kageyama croaks awkwardly.  
  
“Thanks,” Tsukishima says, snatching the bag from Kageyama and smiling insincerely. He moves to close the door for the last time, but Kageyama stops it with his hand.  
  
“Wait-”

Tsukishima’s brow raises, his eyes settling on Kageyama’s embarrassed expression. It wasn’t any better for him either. 

“Yamaguchi said we need to talk about things.”  
  
As if on cue, Tsukishima’s phone vibrates, and he receives an emoji-riddled, pleading text from Yamaguchi. He sighs.

“Fine. We can talk.”  
  
Taking that as an invitation, Kageyama steps inside, taking his shoes off. Suddenly Kei feels self-conscious, especially about how he’s dressed. If he knew Kageyama was coming over he would have put on something nicer than his gross pajamas.

What? Why the hell would he even think about having to dress up for Kageyama?  
  
Before the thought could plague his mind any longer, his attention was drawn to an uncomfortable looking Kageyama, standing stiffly in the middle of the entryway. In a rare moment of pity, he decides not to mock the other, instead silently beckoning him to his room. It was messier than normal, but considering that his ‘normal’ is spotless, he supposes that Kageyama won’t mind.  
  
Tsukishima sits down on his bed, and Kageyama manages to slot himself into Tsukishima’s desk chair. The setter looks around Tsukishima’s room like a kid at a museum, not saying anything. A long silence settles between them; it’s filled with awkwardness instead of animosity and Tsukishima doesn’t know which is worse. Tsukishima fidgets with his fingers, not bothering to look in Kageyama’s direction at all, where Kageyama swivels side to side on the desk chair. Eventually, the silence becomes too much to bear, and Tsukishima decides to speak up-  
  
“I-“  
“Do you-“

-only to be interrupted by the king. They sit in silence for a moment longer, and Tsukishima speaks up once again, this time successfully.

“Did Yamaguchi not give you a script?”

“Well, he told me some things to say, but I wasn’t really listening.”

“Of course.” Tsukishima (completely audibly) mumbles, sending a tired glare Kageyama’s way. Another moment of dreaded silence passes. Tsukishima should take a page out of the king’s book and get straight to the point.

“Why did you take me back to my house?” The question comes out as more of a demand, and Kageyama looks taken off-guard. He takes a moment to think, a thin frown on his face.

“I didn’t think it was right to leave you in the gym. You got hurt-…” He swallows. “I hurt you really bad.”

Despite his genuine awe at the amount of empathy the king was showing, Tsukishima still held his grudge. “No shit,” he hisses out, squinting up at Kageyama. From what he can see without his glasses, Kageyama looks genuinely remorseful. A small voice in the back of his head tells him to feel bad for Kageyama and he buries it.

Breaking his eyes away from Tsukishima, Kageyama scratches at the back of his neck. “I meant to say I’m sorry,” he manages to force out. Tsukishima perks up, finally turning his head towards the other. The sadist in him can’t help but have a field day with this.

“You’re sorry?” Tsukishima purrs, his lips beginning to spread into a grin. Kageyama blinks. “You know, I don’t think I heard you that well. Could you repeat that?” Kageyama almost complies before realizing what Tsukishima’s trying to do. His face falls, signature pout settling back on his face. Tsukishima snickers, swearing he saw Kageyama’s face flush.

“It seems you’re feeling better,” Kageyama spits out amid his embarrassment, and stands to leave. “I’m going home.”

Tsukishima doesn’t stop him.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayy chapter 2 i feel better about this one than the first one for sure 
> 
> again criticism is greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok WOW sorry i left for a long time but here i am, two months later with a long(er) chapter

It’s the fifth day since the fight, his fourth day home from school, and the day after Kageyama showed up to his house. Tsukishima gets up relatively early, having a small breakfast and slowly getting through some of the homework he’s been assigned. He knows what was due and when, courtesy of Yamaguchi and his consistent barrage of worried texts and calls.

He can do without the updates on the volleyball team, though. It isn’t that he dreads doing or thinking about physical activity, no. Kei’s alright when it comes to his physicality, and he’s fine with that. The problem with Yamaguchi’s volleyball updates is that they force him to think about the people on the team. Certain people on the team. People on the team that he certainly doesn’t want to think about. 

So he doesn’t. Think about the people on the team, I mean. He doesn’t and he won’t, it’s decided. Maybe he’ll just text Yamaguchi back for once. That might help his situation. 

\--

[1:10pm] Tsukishima Kei: How is English going

[1:10pm] Tsukishima Kei: It is English class rn right?

[1:11pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: yeah it’s fine :|

[1:11pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: it’s independent work day and i got done wayyy early

[1:12pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: are you catching up on the huge amount of busywork in math? lol

[1:13pm] Tsukishima Kei: I guess

[1:13pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: good thing kageyama came over yesterday huh?

\--

This was the only thing Tsukishima didn’t want to talk about, so of course Yamaguchi brought it up. He sighs, staring at the screen for longer than intended.

\--

[1:17pm] Tsukishima Kei: I guess

[1:18pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: :|

[1:18pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: you better stop brooding! i hear its bad for concussions

[1:20pm] Tsukishima Kei: I wasn’t

[1:22pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: you cant lie to me, i know that tone of voice

[1:23pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: or text :p

[1:23pm] Tsukishima Kei: Ok I wasnt brooding though

[1:24pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: fine! deny it all you want :\

[1:24pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: apparently being angsty and in denial is your favorite hobby nowadays 

[1:26pm] Tsukishima Kei: Whats that supposed to mean

[1:27pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: its not important 

[1:28pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: you just can’t stay mad at him forever you know!

[1:28pm] Tsukishima Kei: Ow suddenly the phone screen is hurting my eyes so bad because Im soo concussed ow

[1:28pm]Tsukishima Kei: Bye 

[1:29pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: feel better, tsukki! :P

[1:29pm] Tsukishima Kei: Shut up 

[1:30pm] Yamaguchi Tadashi: :X

\--

Ugh. That didn’t help at all. 

Despite Yamaguchi’s badgering, Tsukishima makes it through the day in partial credit to the ‘mute’ button on his phone and the mountain of math homework he has to trudge through. He normally makes it through his work relatively quickly, but thanks to his minor concussion he’s more easily distracted. Not necessarily by his phone, because it’s on every kind of ‘mute’ and ‘silent’ that he knows about. No, he seems to be distracted, or confused, rather, by Kageyama’s visit yesterday. 

There’s no question Yamaguchi put him up to it. But why did he agree to do it? Sure, Yamaguchi has killer puppy eyes, but as far as Tsukishima is concerned, they really only work on him. Furthermore, Yamaguchi isn’t exactly a hard customer to refuse. He’s pretty compliant with most people. Does that mean Kageyama didn’t put up much of a fight at all? He said he was sorry, but that was just what Yamaguchi told him to say. 

Tsukishima pinches his nose under his glasses and closes his eyes, using all his energy to will the oncoming frustration headache away. It doesn’t make sense, because it’s Kageyama. It’s Kageyama, and it doesn’t make sense. That’s all there is to it. Tsukishima stands to put his books away. He’s been sitting at his desk for too long, and it’s starting to hurt his back. Math Mountain will have to be climbed another day. 

\---

Later that evening, Tsukishima is met with yet another knock at his door. Could it be Kageyama again? Tsukishima brushes the crumbs off of his pajama pants, moving to answer the door while his mind races. 

He has all of his books, doesn’t he? Tsukishima mentally filed through the books he was given yesterday. Math, English, Literature, History... they’re all there. So why is he coming back again? Does Yamaguchi just want to humiliate Tsukishima further by making him interact with the guy who knocked his lights out? Tsukishima shivered at the thought of Kageyama coming over with a bag of board games instead of a bag of books.

Oh no. What if this was Kageyama coming over of his own volition? Tsukishima wasn’t exactly as prickly as he normally was yesterday. Did Kageyama take that as a sign of some sort? Tsukishima wasn’t exactly trying to extend the olive branch. Being trapped by social obligation to spend time with one half of the freak duo is his nightmare, and he isn’t about to make it reality. Hanging out with Kageyama one-on-one might not be as bad, or half as bad, or even a quarter as bad as hanging out with Hinata, but.. but still. Tsukishima’s pulse quickens in what he’s sure is rage. He’s going to open this door and give Kageyama a piece of his-- oh. 

Met with Yamaguchi’s expectant, smiling face, Tsukishima froze. He wasn’t expecting this. 

“Oh no, you look worse than I thought! No wonder you weren’t answering my texts!” 

Yamaguchi invites himself in, hurriedly shrugging off his backpack and taking off his shoes. His concerned chatters fade out of Tsukishima’s attention as he’s escorted back to his bed, still trying to get over his confusion. 

Soon enough, his confusion turns to embarassment and anger. How the hell could he be so stupid?! Of course Kageyama wasn’t going to visit his house again. He was worrying over nothing! The mere fact that his thoughts were plagued with the setter makes him all the more angry. Thankfully, he was pulled out of his brooding with a hand on his forehead. 

“Jeez, Tsukki, are you sure you don’t have a cold or something, too? Your face is all red! Do you need a cold cloth, or an ice pack, or--” 

Tsukishima cuts his friend off with a shake of his head, pulling Yamaguchi’s hand off of his forehead. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” 

Yamaguchi frowns, pulling up Tsukishima’s desk chair to sit beside his bed. “Okay. You’ve just had me and the team worried, you know?” 

Tsukishima looks sourly his phone, remembering the number of notifications that bombarded his screen. “I know.” As he’s sitting on the edge of his bed, he finds it hard to look at Yamaguchi. He feels a little guilty for ignoring him. If there’s two things that Yamaguchi’s good at, it’s worrying and making over people feel guilty. “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to a lot of your texts. I just don’t want to be at home longer than I have to.” Yamaguchi looks confused for a second. “Screen time isn’t necessarily good for concussions,” Tsukishima elaborates. Yamaguchi laughs and smacks himself in the head with his palm.

“Oh, duh! It’s fine, though. I’m used to your moodiness, anyway.” 

Tsuksihima grumbles at that, sending Yamaguchi a harmless glare. He smiles a bit, glad to be talking to someone that isn’t his mom. “So, what brings you here? Couldn’t get enough of sassing me via text so you had to it face-to-face?” Tsukishima jokes, prodding the wheels of his desk chair with his foot. 

Yamaguchi scoffs dramatically, crossing his arms. “I just wanted to check in on you, seeing as you stopped responding to my ‘sassing via text’.” He offers a smile. “I’m glad to see you giving me a hard time, though. You must be feeling better.” 

Yamaguchi’s right, so he doesn’t bother responding and flops onto his bed instead. His chest deflates as he lets out a long sigh. “I want to go back to school,” he whines. “It’s so boring here.” 

Yamaguchi laughs. “I think you’re the only one I know that would say that.” 

Tsukishima decides to save his glares for later use. He brings his arms in, resting his hands on his upper stomach. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Yamaguchi half-spinning side to side in his chair, looking at his phone. 

They settle into a content, comfortable silence, as they usually do. Tsukishima stares at the ceiling while Yamaguchi swivels around in his chair, scrolling through social media. Sooner than Tsukishima would’ve liked, Yamaguchi decides to break the silence. “How did yesterday go?”

Of course. He has to bring this up again. Tsukishima stays silent, now beginning to fumble with his fingers on his chest. 

“You don’t have another black eye, so I’m assuming it went well,” Yamaguchi eggs on, slight disappointment in his voice. Guilted by Yamaguchi’s disappointment, but not that much, Tsukishima forces out a quiet noise of affirmation and nothing more. Yamaguchi stays silent, except for the swiveling of the chair. 

Just as Tsukishima assumes that they’re done talking about it, Yamaguchi opens his mouth again. “It was his idea, you know.” 

...What? Now that catches Tsukishima’s attention. He sits up, sending a quizzical look Yamaguchi’s way. “What?” 

“To come over and give you your books. It was Kageyama’s idea, not mine.” 

Tsukishima continues to furrow his brows in silence, confusion all too obvious on his face for the second time tonight. 

“I was going to do it before he volunteered, and I wasn’t going to tell him no, I mean he was so worried and torn up about giving you a concussion that I couldn’--”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Tsukishima interrupts, his mouth hanging open dumbly. “What?” 

“I think you heard me perfectly clear, Tsukishima.” 

“But that doesn’t make any sense! He was the one who started the fight to begin with!” He hears his voice getting louder, but ignores it. 

“And maybe he feels bad about it? He just wanted to take a moment to apologize so I helped him out!” 

“Kageyama doesn’t ‘apologize’, okay? We’ve all seen how he treated his team in middle school! He’s stuck up, thick-skulled, and arrogant! There’s no way he’d feel bad for me!” 

Yamaguchi stays silent for that, raising his brows. Perhaps that last sentence was a bit too telling. Wait, telling of what? Tsukishima pouts, thinking, as Yamaguchi stands and puts a hand on his shoulder. Tsukishima’s pulled out of his head for a second, and he looks up at his friend. 

“I’m gonna go. If you ever want to talk about _anything_ ,” Yamaguchi stretches out that word until Tsukishima nods. “You know you can text or call or whatever.” Yamaguchi purses his lips, looking at Tsukishima with his signature disappointed gaze. “I’ll let you get better. It was fun hanging out today.” He lingers for a moment before waving awkwardly, heading out of Tsukishima’s bedroom and leaving the house. Tsukishima can hear his mother give a high-pitched, polite goodbye to Yamaguchi before she swings by his room. 

“So Yamaguchi came over, huh? That was nice,” she says, dropping off a small bowl of heavily dressed miso soup. 

“Yeah,” is all Tsukishima can manage to say. 

“Well, I’ll quit botherin’ ya. Eat all that soup, alright? You know I worry about you eating.” She takes Tsukishima’s silence as her cue to leave, and dips out of his room, closing the door. 

Tsukishima glances at the soup, lost in thought.

Maybe he’s wrong about some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again im sorry that i left and i dont have any excuses but i hope you enjoyed the update!  
> so i found out im not gonna update this as often as a thought but do not fear- i will update more frequently than once every 2 months  
> shout out to those 2 comments for inspiring me to get off my ass and finally write this. this ones for u  
> anyway as always this is my first fic so criticism is very much appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back to school :)

Tomorrow is the day Tsukishima will finally be heading back to school. No more stretches of boredom and silence for hours upon hours. No more Mom fussing over him every single time she passes his bedroom. Going back to school will be nice. As much as he hates to admit it, he’s even beginning to miss practices and the general ruckus of the gym. He can’t wait for that feeling to change the moment he steps into the locker room.  
  
In preparation for his big return, he’d finished all of his homework and even came up with an apology for his absence to recite to his teacher. If all goes as planned, nobody will be disappointed nor enthused at his return. All as it should be.  
  
Feeling good about tomorrow’s plans, Tsukishima strides into the kitchen for a well deserved snack, ignoring his brother’s prodding. He opens a cup of yogurt, settling down at the kitchen table. He scrolls through his missed notifications, mostly just so he doesn’t have to respond to Akiteru.  
  
“It’s good to see you out of that room of yours for once! I almost thought you disappeared or something, you’re so quiet,” Akiteru muses, earning a laugh from their mother in the other room, but only a tense silence from Tsukishima. He just wants to enjoy his yogurt.  
  
“You never told me about the fight,” Akiteru pushes, sliding into a chair next to Tsukishima. “Who would’ve thought that my cute little brother would ever get into a fight?” Akiteru chuckles, but it quickly dies out upon Kei’s irritated glaring. The older Tsukishima sighs, standing.  
  
“You can’t blame me for not trying,” he says with a shrug before leaving the kitchen. Tsukishima lets out a relieved breath. Putting his phone away, he relaxes into his chair. Finally, peace.  
  
His peace, of course, is cut short by his mother barging into the kitchen and sitting in the same chair that Akiteru did, almost urgently. He never catches a break with his family, does he? He notices that his mother has an awfully banal card and a pink envelope under one of her hands, and a pen in the other. Tsukishima’s pulse freezes. This better not be what he thinks it is.  
  
“This is exactly what you think it is,” his mother says, sliding the pen and card towards him. “You ought to thank that nice friend of yours for bringing you your books and taking you here after you got hurt.” She taps the card for emphasis. Tsukishima squints.  
  
“Seriously? He’s the one who sent me to the hospital in the first place. I am _not_ writing him a thank-you card for that.” He pauses for a second. “And he’s not my friend.”  
  
“If he didn’t bring you here we wouldn’t have been able to take care of you! And bringing your books to you? That’s so sweet, come on, you have to agree.” She taps her finger on the card again, more rapidly. Tsukishima groans and takes the card and pen from her, clicking the pen.  
  
“What am I even supposed to write? ‘Thanks for giving me a cool scar on my forehead’? And why is the envelope _pink_?”  
  
That remark earns him a little slap on the shoulder from his mother. “It’s pink because that’s the only color we have. It just so happens to be your mother’s _favorite_ _color_.” She huffs. “Don’t be so difficult, Tsukki. Swallow your pride for two minutes and write a nice, genuine note.” Tsukishima scoffs at the use of the word ‘genuine’, but shuts up at the glare he receives in turn.  
  
“...Fine,” he mumbles, after what seems like a year of stewing in silence. His mother smiles, giving him a brief rub on his back before leaving again. Great. Now he has a writing assignment, too. This is going to be a challenge.  
  
\--  
  
The day of his arrival has come. What was going to be a relief has turned into a nightmare. After an early morning shower and inspecting his face in the mirror for any bruises or scars, Tsukishima eats breakfast, gets dressed, takes the thank-you note from his desk, and heads out. Internally, he prays for today to just be a normal school day, but the note in his pocket feels like it weighs a metric ton.  
  
When is he going to approach Kageyama? Lunch? Practice? How is he going to give the note to him without seeming like a total loser? What if someone sees them and gets the wrong idea? Oh god.  
  
Just as Tsukishima thinks about turning around to hide in his room all day, he’s met with a surprise touch on his arm. He jumps, supressing a shriek as he turns to the perpetrator. Oh, it’s Yamaguchi. And he’s laughing.  
  
“You looked so scared! Has it really been that long? You’re like a baby giraffe!” Yamaguchi forces out the words between laughs. It’s too early for this. Tsukishima feels his face redden in embarassment. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”  
  
Of course, Yamaguchi keeps laughing and teasing him halfway to the school. As the building comes into view, Tsukishima deviates from their usual route a little.  
  
“I need to drop off my practice clothes in the gym, I’ll see you in the classroom.” Yamaguchi doesn’t ask any questions, and Tsukishima starts heading towards the gym. It’s about half an hour until school starts, so he’ll have plenty of time.  
  
Well, as long as he’s going to drop his clothes off, he might as well put the note with them. He wasn’t planning on giving the note to Kageyama first thing in the morning, anyway, and it’d be great if he could spend the day without it burning a hole in his pocket. Tsukishima slips the note out of his pants’ pocket, stuffing it into one of the outside pockets on his gym bag.  
  
As he approaches the gymnasium, he notices that the doors aren’t open as they usually are. He walks up to the entrance, tugging on the doors experimentally. It doesn’t budge. He tries the other door, hopefully, but to no avail. If he truly cared, he’d probably try to ask someone to open the gym for him, but he doesn’t truly care. He’ll just leave his bag by the steps.  
  
Looking around, he doesn’t spot any potential witnesses, so he carefully lays his bag against the steps in front of the gym entrance. He walks away tentatively, turning around a couple of times, making sure his bag didn’t disappear. He’s snapped out of his paranoia by an urgent text from Yamaguchi telling him to hurry up, so he quickens his pace.

\--

“So did you write it?” Yamaguchi asks through bites of his lunch. Tsukishima sighs.  
  
“I had no choice.” He picks at his food, pouting as he looks outside the window.  
  
“Your mom is one of the most lenient, nicest parents I know. I think a part of you just wanted to write that letter.”  
  
Tsukishima glares at Yamaguchi, chewing.  
  
“Sorry, Tsukki.”  
  
The ambience of the classroom combines with the chirps of cicadas and birds outside, and Tsukishima closes his eyes. He didn’t want to write that letter at all. It was embarrassing, to say the least. Sure, he felt somewhat glad that Kageyama didn’t leave him to die in the gym, but he isn’t 'thankful'. He didn’t even want to think about the night he delivered his books.  
  
He doesn’t want to owe Kageyama anything. He furrows his brow, resting his chin on his hand. He should just stop thinking about it. He’ll give him the stupid card and everything will be like it was before.  
  
  
  
In the corner of his mind, he notices a lull in the chatter of the classroom, but pays no attention to it. That is, until Yamaguchi prods him out of his thoughts with an elbow, saying a hushed “Tsukishima!”. Just as he’s about to get ornery at Yamaguchi for bothering him, he opens his eyes and notices a figure standing in the doorway of the classroom. A revoltingly familiar figure, holding an opened pink envelope with a neat ‘ _for Kageyama_ ’ on the front.  
  
“Uh, Tsukishima..?” Kageyama says, his deep voice booming through the classroom. Tsukishima feels a dread-filled pit in his stomach, and he scans the classroom panickedly as if there could be someone who would save him from this situation.  
  
Of course, there isn’t. All eyes are on him. He clears his throat and stands, the screech of his chair against the floor cutting through the awkward silence. Yamaguchi quietly gestures for him to hurry up.  
  
He approaches Kageyama, fuming more and more with each step, and tugs him by the arm into the hallway, almost violently.  
  
He’s going to make Kageyama tell him exactly what’s going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone for leaving kudos and comments! it means a lot and its what is driving this fic rn tbh 
> 
> the real action starts next chapter... or so i think. idrk 
> 
> ik this chapter is a little shorter than the last one but hopefully i will be able to write a lot more for next chapter... 
> 
> chapter 5 or 6 might be from kageyama's perspective but im not sure yet. time will tell... 
> 
> also if u want this fic to update more frequently if u yell at me in the comments aggressively i promise that works ok byeee


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they talk about the card

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not from kageyama's POV... still tsukishima
> 
> shoutout to the comments for yelling at me. your aggression fuels my fingers this ones for u

With a tight grip on his forearm, Tsukishima drags Kageyama to the end of the hallway. Though it isn’t that far from his classroom, hopefully it’ll prevent any prying ears. Tsukishima glares at a dumbfounded Kageyama, looking him up and down before tearing his arm away. He snatches the envelope from his hand, causing Kageyama’s brows knit together judgmentally.  
  
“What the hell is your problem?” Kageyama says; he’s making an obvious effort not to make a scene, but he snatches the envelope right back. Tsukishima almost tries to take it back, going to far as to reach out to it, but stops himself. Playing keep-away would just be childish and desperate at this point, not that being childish was exactly below him. He huffs, crossing his arms as he looms over the other.  
  
“What the hell is _my_ problem? I want to know what the hell your problem is! Where did you even get that?” Tsukishima gestures to the card with his head.

Kageyama recoils in angered confusion at that.  
  
“I found it outside the gym, where I eat!” He says, as if everyone know where Kageyama Tobio ate lunch on Tuesdays. “I wanted to talk about your card, that’s it! Why are you freaking out about it?!”  
  
He was freaking out. Tsukishima frowns, mostly at himself for letting Kageyama get under his skin. He’s not going to get into another fight, be it physical or verbal. He’s had enough of both. He starts to walk away before Kageyama grips the back of his jacket, looking up at him with an expression he isn’t used to. It kind of reminds him of the motherly look of disappointment Yamaguchi gives him, but plastered onto Kageyama’s face instead. Even when he’s in another room, Yamaguchi is finding ways to guilt him via memory. Tsukishima would be lying if he said it isn’t effective.  
  
“Fine. I guess we can talk,” he mumbles, giving a short glance to his classroom. He swears he can see some kids duck out of view, plunging behind the safety of the doorway. Great. Turning back, he notices Kageyama’s fidgeting with his jacket, still. How long had they been standing like that? His face wrinkles sourly and he swats the setter’s hand away. Nobody says anything for a long moment, and it’s beginning to get to Tsukishima. He decides to break the awful silence.  
  
“What about the letter did you want to talk to me about?”  
  
“Oh, uh…” Kageyama’s eyes seem to be everywhere but Tsukishima. He looks blankly at the envelope, and the gears in his head are audible. A confused scowl settles on his face. “Are you sure you wrote it?”

Tsukishima would laugh at that, had his guard been down. Fortunately, he isn’t at the that level of trust with Kageyama. He takes the card out of the envelope, opening it up. Tsukishima’s words (though upside-down and somewhat illegible from the glaring sunlight) are on full display, and he’s suddenly reminded of what exactly he wrote. A wave of embarrassment crashes into him.  
  
“Yes, I’m sure I wrote it,” he grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Do you think I’m just constantly mean and evil?” He manages to force the words out, trying his best to ignore the letter.

Kageyama gives him a look at that. Tsukishima returns the look with an unimpressed frown.  
  
“I just didn’t know you could be so… nice?” Kageyama says, and it’s more of a question of Tsukishima’s character than a compliment. He’ll take it anyway.  
  
“Believe it or not, king, I’m generally nice to people _that I like_ ,” he emphasizes the last part, meaning for it to come off as an insult, but then realizes that he was undeniably nice in the card. Kageyama raises a brow. Before he can scrabble to protect his reputation as unfeeling, cold, prickly, and aloof, something stops him in his tracks.  
  
Kageyama smiles, and sure, it is a little creepy, but he’s gotten better since his first attempt. Worse yet, it actually helps Tsukishima to relax about the whole situation some more. He feels warmth rush to his face, most likely in embarrassment at how high-strung he was earlier. He shoves Kageyama’s shoulder. “Cut it out,” he says, but he can’t help but wear a smile as Kageyama’s becomes less creepy and more genuine.  
  
“Did you really mean it when you said—?”  
  
“Yeah. I did want to be friends with you when we met.” Ugh, this was terrible. Well, maybe not as bad as he worried it would be, but that didn’t set the bar very high. It still felt somewhat good(?) to see Kageyama’s eyes light up.  
  
“I thought you were cool, too.” Kageyama reminisces, sounding just as pained as Tsukishima. It makes him feel better about being genuine, knowing that Kageyama’s just as ill-equipped as he is.  
  
Another block of quietness settles between them, but it isn’t tense or awkward. It’s more like when he and Yamaguchi hang out in his room. Just comfortable. As he thinks this, it finally registers that he and Kageyama have just been smiling at one another in silence for a little too long. His face flushes hotter, and he clears his throat.  
  
“Um, well… Thanks for the uh, the cool scar.” He points to a small, pale scratch between his eyebrows. He immediately feels stupid upon saying that.  
  
Kageyama squints, leaning closer for a brief moment to get a better look. “Wow, that was a lot uglier when I last saw it.”  
  
Tsukishima suppresses the urge to drawl out a sarcastic ‘thanks’, and just nods awkwardly instead. Ugh, ‘thanks for the cool scar’. God, he’s stupid.  
  
It’s a couple minutes until class starts again, and they do a little awkward shuffle-dance to get around one another before Kageyama goes back to class. Tsukishima waves to him, but Kageyama’s back is already turned. _God_ , he’s so stupid. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he walks back to his own class.

  
  
The moment before he enters the classroom, he can hear the scuffling of feet and the squeaks of chairs. As he enters, he’s greeted by Yamaguchi, right by the door instead of their seats by the window. He gives him a skeptical look. “Were you watching me?” The question is more for the entire class rather than Yamaguchi himself.  
  
In the middle of Yamaguchi’s attempt at a convincing answer, a girl stands up and puts a ‘comforting’ hand on Tsukishima’s bicep. It feels more condescending than it does comforting, but he shrugs the hand away regardless. He raises a brow.  
  
The girl tenses, obviously nervous.

“Ah, sorry, I just wanted to say that you’re really brave, and that my friends and I support you.” She gives him another ‘comforting’ smile as his eyes dart back to her friend group, some of them covering their faces sheepishly while others gave him a thumbs up. Had the crease between his brows been any deeper it would’ve started to bore into his skull. From the corner of his eye, he can see Yamaguchi giving her a panicked ‘X’ sign with his arms. Hold on…  
  
“Excuse me?” He asks, accusatory. She looks back to her friends for help, but they’re busy suppressing laughs or cowering.  
  
“Well, Kageyama came in and he had that note, and you guys seemed to be getting along in the hallway, so we all thought that…” She trails off, her nerves obvious in her shaky voice.  
  
“Thought what?” He presses, maybe too aggressive, and the girl goes back to latch onto her friends. Tsukishima turns to look at Yamaguchi for support, but he looks just as dumbfounded as Tsukishima feels. Yamaguchi pipes up, though barely above of whisper.  
  
“I think the class might think you’re gay. For Kageyama.”  
  
— -  
  
“Tsukki, stop groaning and put a shirt on. Hinata and Kageyama’s pre-warm-up warm-ups have already started. That means that practice starts in fifteen minutes!”  
  
Tsukishima is about to let out another dramatic groan before he hears the locker room door open, so he straightens his posture and puts his glasses back on and acts like he wasn’t just throwing a tantrum. Yamaguchi sits next to him on the bench, talking quietly between the two of them.  
  
“Nobody cares if you’re gay, Tsukishima.”  
  
“I’m not gay.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Just put a shirt on and head out to the gym before I drag you. You’ve been gone for a week, and you need to catch up.” Yamaguchi stands, giving a less than comforting pat on Tsukishima’s bare back, and Tsukishima is left alone with his thoughts. Well, his thoughts and whoever else is in the locker room right now. Probably Ennoshita.  
  
This was his nightmare. Alright, it was one thing to be gay, which he isn’t, but it’s another thing to be rumored to be in a relationship with Kageyama Tobio, which he most definitely is not. Truthfully, those girls were probably the only people who really thought so, but that was enough to make Tsukishima have a hissy fit in front of his best friend after school. Just as he was starting to _maybe_ tolerate Kageyama, people had to ruin things.  
  
Fine, Kageyama wasn’t bad looking, but that doesn’t mean he’d date him. Tsukishima has standards, one of them being that they have to be female. It doesn’t matter that he’s rejected every confession letter he’s received. He’s just very particular, as he is with most things. Yeah, that was it.  
  
Tsukishima slides into his practice shirt and heads to the gym. He freezes when he sees Kageyama, but forces himself to keep on going. It’s just a rumor, a misunderstanding. It isn’t reality. He joins Yamaguchi on the gym floor against the wall, watching the minutes tick down to practice on the clock.  
  
“Look who decided to act his age and join the rest of the high schoolers for practice,” Yamaguchi teases over the squawking of their teammates.  
  
“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” he responds, but his sentence is cut short by Coach Ukai’s whistle. He stands, stretching and sending a glance Kageyama’s way. This was going to be a long practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL 
> 
> i love the headcanon that tsukishima is a drama queen... but in private 
> 
> so theres kind of a rumor-subplot going on but idk if i wanna follow thru with that so ... lets just say i used it as an excuse for tsukishima to have a fit 
> 
> also i love mean yamaguchi. u have to be mean to tolerate tsukishima imo
> 
> as always kudos and comments are appreciated but i get it if u dont want to. i see u tho.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops 3 months no chapter lol 
> 
> it's not great and it's not that long but take it. TAKE IT

As the team walks out onto the court to start partner stretches, Tsukishima notices that while he was zoning out and trying not to have the Kageyama situation get to him, he walked a little farther than normal, now situated in the dead opposite corner of the court from Kageyama. Yamaguchi gives him a look, but doesn’t say anything as Daichi calls out the counts for holding the stretches.  
  
Yamaguchi’s right, he’s being too childish about this whole thing. So what if his classmates had made some less than ideal assumptions about Kageyama and him? It’s not his problem to worry about. Tsukishima lets out a deep breath, hoping that his thoughts will flow out with it. He was embarrassingly open with Kageyama earlier today, and he was embarrassingly upset about it in the locker room. He just needs to level his mind, calm down, and be cool. The team finishes up back stretches, and Tsukishima moves to switch positions with Yamaguchi.  
  
The first half of practice is going by in a blur, as it normally does for Tsukishima.  
  
Practice receives, rotate.  
  
Practice setting, rotate.  
  
Practice blocking, rotate.  
  
Practice spikes, rotate.  
  
Practice serving, rotate.  
  
Ad infinitum.  
  
Usually he isn’t a big fan of the monotonous routine, but right now he can’t be more thankful that he can just turn his brain off and go through the motions. Or so he thought. As he’s spiking, he’s swept out of his mindless trance by the feeling of air jetting by his hand, and notices that he missed the toss. Oh, well. He’ll get the next—  
  
“Oi, Tsukishima!” An all too familiar voice booms. He feels his expression sour as he turns to the setter beside him. Of course it’s Kageyama who pulls him out of his comfortable flow. “Pay attention!”  
  
Now would be a wonderful opportunity to tease Kageyama about being an overbearing ruler, but as he feels his scar as he scrunches his brow, he decides it’s not worth it. He leers down at the setter, and immediately regrets it as he’s met with a disappointed, though still scowling Kageyama. He feels kind of bad. No, he waves the thought out of his mind. How he treated Kageyama at lunch today was enough generosity for an entire year.  
  
“Whatever,” Tsukishima mumbles, eliciting a pouty huff from the king. As Tsukishima retrieves the ball from the edge of the court, he meets eyes with Yamaguchi on the other side of the net, who shakes his head. For a moment, he feels his bitterness about to spill over, but shoves it deep down into his chest. He tosses the volleyball to Kageyama before resuming practice.  
  
—  
Tsukishima walks out of the gym, letting out a big yawn. The coolness of the evening air is refreshing against his face, and despite the grueling few hours of practice he had to endure, he really doesn’t feel that sore for being gone for two weeks. He’s sure that’ll change come morning, though. He slips on his headphones, taking out his phone and scrolling through his music, taking his time. Just as he’s about to press play, he hears a muffled voice. Expecting Yamaguchi, he looks up pretty quickly, and his expectations are shattered. He really should stop expecting people to do things in general, that would keep him from being disappointed so damn often.

Kageyama speaks again, louder this time, but Tsukishima can’t really make out what he’s saying; rather, he hopes what he heard isn’t what Kageyama said. Peeling off his headphones, Tsukishima raises a brow.  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“…Help me study,” Kageyama grunts out, barely audible. Tsukishima swallows.  
  
That’s what he was afraid he heard. He pockets his phone, deciding that dealing with this is a little more important than choosing his playlist right now. Tsukishima crosses his arms, mulling the request over. As he thinks, he can tell that Kageyama’s getting more impatient with every second. Too bad; this requires some thought.  
  
As much as he hates to admit it, Kageyama seemed much more tolerable at lunch today, or at least before his classmates ruined it. What left him confused, though, was that Hinata’s nowhere to be seen. The little brat is usually orbiting around Kageyama nonstop after practice.  
  
“Where’s your buddy? I thought you two were conjoined at the hip.”  
  
Kageyama seems confused at the word ‘conjoined’ for a moment, but then speaks up.  
  
“Hinata’s biking Yachi back to her house… they were going to study there.”  
  
“Why don’t you bother them instead? Yachi’s nicer, anyway.”  
  
After no response from Kageyama, Tsukishima begins to slide his headphones back on when he feels a tug on the hem of his shirt, and brain is transported to their conversation in the hallway. He moves to swat Kageyama’s hand off of him again, but is caught off guard by another hand grabbing a fistful of his shirt’s fabric near his chest. He panics and scrunches his eyes shut, mostly because he thinks Kageyama is going to clock him right after he healed from his concussion. When he’s met with a lack of nose-breaking punches, he cautiously peers at Kageyama, who’s still holding onto his shirt.  
  
“Just.. do this for me, or… or I’ll tell people about your letter..?” Kageyama attempts to threaten. Tsukishima lets out a baffled laugh, but it dies out as Kageyama tightens his grip. He blinks. Nervously clearing his throat, he grabs Kageyama’s wrist and guides it away from his shirt slowly, and Kageyama obliges. They stand in another block of silence, cicada songs filling the air. Neither of them are particularly great conversationalists, Kei thinks, but they don’t just have to stand and glare at each other 90% of the time. After a bit, Kei deems it safe to speak.

“You know, you don’t have to try to blackmail me into tutoring you. ‘Please’ would’ve worked just as well.”  
  
By the look on his face, Tsukishima can see just how embarrassed and stupid Kageyama feels. He can relate.  
  
Kageyama looks like he’s going to cry or yell or punch something, and Tsukishima feels bad, genuinely, this time. He loudly clears his throat, causing Kageyama to look up from his brooding. He begins to walk away, looking slightly back at the other, who’s still planted by the gym.  
  
Tsukishima stops and turns around, sighing in annoyance.  
  
“Well, come on. You said you wanted to study, didn’t you?”  
  
“..Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeuuauaughggh my classes suck + im moving so fanfic juice hasnt been flowing   
> i wanna write another kgtk fanfic though, perhaps a music au ;)   
> thanks to the ppl who r still reading this fic i suck at updating i know I KNOW   
> love u guys tho


End file.
